When Your Life Shifts in One Phone Call.

Hi Family!  It’s been a minute since I posted my last blog entry.  To look back and see that it was of Pops and my tribute to him for his 75th birthday while I was on my “Good Vibes Retreat” is sobering.  Life happened quickly when I returned and throughout the process, I was a bit frozen in coming to terms with a diagnosis I wasn’t mentally prepared for.

See, around mid February early March, I started having nipple discharge.  And not like a clear discharge, but the color of old blood.  I had been telling Demea since the beginning of the year, I had been having feelings of “let down” before the nipple discharge occurred.  If any of you were or are nursing mothers, you know what I’m talking about.  If you haven’t nursed, I don’t know how to explain the feeling to help you understand what I’m talking about.  Since I wasn’t still nursing and knew I wasn’t expecting, it was a bit weird but I just brushed it off.  Then came the nipple discharge.  

The first time it happened, I did my typical google of symptoms and it said it was more than likely a blood clot in my milk ducts that was causing the bloody discharge.  That calmed my nerves, but within a few weeks it happened again.  Baby nothing google or WebMD provided would shake my anxiety; I needed to check in with my doctor about this ASAP!

Y’all I love that I have a Black female supporting cast as my PCP and gynecologist, that’s just PERIODT!  But…, sometimes their supporting staff can be their downfall.  I will share that story for another blog entry, but my first route in having my gynecologist support testing for this didn’t work.  I had to contact my PCP, whom immediately got my mammogram upgraded to a diagnostic mammogram because she didn’t like what I was sharing.  

Oh, let me drop this jewel on y’all before I continue on.  If you get mammogram results with a notation of “dense breast tissue”, call your PCP or gynecologist and notify them of this and that you’d like to get a follow up ultrasound to support the mammogram results.  I didn’t know this until October 2021, when I sat and watched New Amsterdam, Season 4 episode “Seed Money”, in which they were discussing dense breast tissue and the oncologist “Dr. Helen” was working her ass off to get patients informed that they needed to get follow up ultrasounds.  At this time, I had been getting mammograms for the past six (6) years and all of them came back with the results “dense breast tissue”.  I assumed if it was something that needed additional testing the facility or my doctors would act, but nope.  After seeing that episode, I called my PCP and informed her that I’d like to have ultrasounds to support my mammogram.  She sent over a referral and from then on, I got ultrasounds twice a year and mammogram once a year.  During the ultrasound visit, they found masses that they thought were benign.  Oh yeah, I also have a history of benign breast tumors dating back to my senior year in high school.  Okay so let’s jump back to the story at hand.

My mammogram was scheduled for May, as I was now on schedule to have my mammogram during one of my ultrasound visits.  Baby, when I tell you during that appoint when that machine squished my left breast, it was like a balloon full of liquid had just been poked with a needle.  The nipple discharge I had been seeing in small amounts came squirting out and I almost did a wall slide, but the machine had me by the titty!  When she did it again for the altered angle, even more came out.  Though the technician didn’t say it, I knew something was wrong and my anxiety went through the roof.  Once she cleaned up from the mess this left breast made, she transitioned me to the waiting area for my ultrasound.  After the ultrasound, the radiologist came in and notified me that he wanted me to come back in for a biopsy.  He had found another mass in my left breast, that wasn’t the one they were watching and it appeared larger.  See, this time, instead of just looking at the spot they had been watching via my ultrasound, the nurse took images of my entire left breast.  Imagine, if I didn’t say anything and the discharge didn’t respond to my breast being squished in the machine… This wouldn’t have been found until later and early detection means proactive treatment.  Women, but Black women especially, when something feels off about your body, ADVOCATE for yourself.  And when your doctor brush that shit off, FIND ANOTHER ONE and I mean expeditiously!  

I was a walking zombie after this appointment, but I tried to convince myself this was yet another benign mass and all would be well.  My biopsy was scheduled for the day after we returned from a coworker’s wedding in June so I tried to pray a diagnosis away and not crash out just yet.  June comes and the biopsy is supported.  Within a week, my PCP is trying to contact me but I’m shooting a video for our provisional group at a library and didn’t answer my phone.  My PCP then contacts my husband to get in touch with me and tell me to call her immediately.  I now understand her urgency, because before I had time to call her back, I answered my phone for an unknown number and it’s the breast specialist office calling to schedule me for an appointment regarding my breast cancer.  I went numb, like what you mean breast cancer.  Then she says, I’m sorry has no one spoken to you.  HELL NAH but since you didn’t get that confirmation before calling, now you tell me what’s going on.  She had no insight, she didn’t even have my charts yet, just the referral and suggested second biopsy.  I don’t know if a medical professional or office is reading this but if you are, if you are going to act immediately on a referral regarding this nature of diagnosis, at least have the decency to ask the patient if they have spoken to whomever their referring doctor is.  This woman made me feel the same as the nurse that called to tell me I was miscarrying did years ago.  Like I wasn’t a human being, but I was another task she needed to complete to finish up her work day.  When you dealing with either of these sensitive topics, have some compassion in discussing this type of information.  Come to think of it, she didn’t even ask me if I was in a space to speak freely, she just blurted that shit out after I confirmed I was Shaemekia.  

So yeah, that’s how my journey to Phuck Cancer began.  A random nurse supporting a breast specialist just casually said she was calling to get me scheduled for a follow on appointment regarding my breast cancer.  When I did contact my PCP, she didn’t really have a good handle on the report she was reading, she couldn’t tell me much about the diagnosis and that’s why she sent my referral on to get me in to see a doctor that could explain it more in depth to me, but she wasn’t expecting them to call me within minutes of her referral.  

Tap in and tell me, have you ever been caught off guard with some news, this could be medical, work, family, life, friend, etc.  How did you respond to it, and was it presented in a manner to support a delicate and supportive delivery of the news?  Because I feel like this discussion needs to be hand surrounding delivery of medical information from medical professionals.  If they don’t offer it today, there needs to be an immediate amendment to the coursework to include patient communication cause these folks is FAILING!